Folded paper roses & swings.

 

( Pictures: Sweet sixteenth + some randoms )
( Pictures: Sweet sixteenth + some randoms )

 

AHHHHHHHHHHHH your blog totally made my day, promise. Just reminds me of how I'm SO super glad I've graduated already and you're still there.

no I dont really love union jacks. FION YOU GEDDIT? (: HAHA. no actually i really love union jacks (can you tell i'm being sacarstic)
okay ii'm off to town for dinner.
bye

i really love union jackssssssss.

HAHA.

In the middle of the night I was sleeping sitting up,
when a doctor came to tell me, "Enough is enough."

He brought me out into the hall (I could have sworn it was haunted),
and told me something that I didn't know that I wanted to hear:
That there was nothing that I could do to save you,
the choir's gonna sing, and this thing is gonna kill you.
Something in my throat made my next words shake,
and something in the wires made the lightbulbs break.
There was glass inside my feet and raining down from the ceiling,
it opened up the scars that had just finished healing.
It tore apart the canyon running down your femur,
(I thougth that it was beautiful, it made me a believer.)
And as it opened I could hear you howling from your room,
but I hid out in the hall until the hurricane blew.
When I reappered and tried to give you something for the pain,
you came to hating me again and just sang your refreain:

You had a new dream, it was more like a nightmare.
You were just a little kid, and they cut your hair,
then they stuck you in machines, you came so close to dying.
They should have listened, they thought that you were lying.
Daddy was an asshole, he fucked you up, built the gears in your head,
now he greases them up. And no one paid attention when you just stopped eating. "Eighty-seven pounds!" and this all bears repeating.

Tell me when you think that we became so unhappy,
wearing silver rings with nobody clapping.
When we moved here togehter we were so dissappointed,
sleeping out of tune with our dreams disjointed.
It killed me to see you getting always rejected,
but I didn't mind the things you threw, the phones I deflected.
I didn't mind you blaming me for your mistakes,
I just held you in the doorframe through all of the earthquakes.
But you packed up your clothes in that bag every night,
and I would try to grab your ankles (what a pitiful sight.)
But after over a year, I stopped trying to stop you from stomping out that door,
coming back like you always do. Well no one's gonna fix it for us, no one can.
You say that, 'No one's gonna listen, and no one understands.'

So there's no open doors and there's no way to get through,
there's no other witnesses, just us two.

There's two people living in one small room,
from your two half-families tearing at you,
two ways to tell the story (no one worries),
two silver rings on our fingers in a hurry,
two people talking inside your brain,
two people believing that I'm the one to blame,
two different voices coming out of your mouth,
while I'm too cold to care and too sick to shout.

You had a new dream, it was more like a nightmare.
You were just a little kid, and they cut your hair,
then they stuck you in machines, you came so close to dying.
They should have listened, they thought that you were lying.
Daddy was an asshole, he f___ you up, built the gears in your head,
now he greases them up. And no one paid attention when you just stopped eating. "Eighty-seven pounds!" and this all bears repeating.

Heartbreaking?

Listen to this.

listening to the antlers's new album sends chills down my spine. oh the way silberman writes his lyrics.. beautiful. these songs have got to be one of the best i've ever listened to.
can you believe it : silberman kept himself in isolation for 2 years just to write this album. away from his friends, family. just being alone.

Woah-oh-oh they're telling me its beautiful.
I believe them but will I ever know? 
The world behind my wall.

Tokio hotel!!!!! (: bill totally looks like a girl he's kinda pretty... hahaha. marco i wanna do a cover of world behind my wall!

hmm i got my ibank device thingy today. hahahaha they have pretty stickers to go along with it too. it stops here. i'm never ever gna get a credit card, I promise. even when i'm married haha. cus I dont think i'll pay my bills. even my dad agrees! lol. as long as anything is on credit, i'll never get it. atm cards all the wayyyyyy.

______

the above was typed yesterday but something happened and i didn't wanna be accused of blogging bout 'stuff' so i closed it so she wouldn't say anything even though i'm not blogging about 'stuff' HAHA.

uh my eyes are getting red and irritated dno why. I'm not very sleepy but i feel like sleeping. I'm so lazy to go mug bio. askay (i call her askay cus its easier to spell! but otherwise, pretty name, schuyler). kay yeah askay says to try other methods to keep awake. cus coffee, sadly doesn't work for me anymore. samz says its all in the mind. I kinda believe him but i still think coffee keeps you awake. haha. heres what happened, i drank coffee one morning and started revising geog, after 30 mins i fell asleep. !!!!!!!!

i'll try not to sleep tonight? hahahahaha. maybe i'll put like 5 teaspoons of coffee grounds or something. and drink tea on top of that. I STILL HAVE TO REVISE LIT : TKAM & MSND. DAMMMMMMMMMMMMITTTTTTTTTT. kayyyyyyyyyyyyyy maybe i'll go call samz later so we can study on the phone. just hope we wont end up talking and crapping away about random irrelevant things that make us super gl.

OKAY I GOTTA GO STUDY NOW.
I LOVE FARMVILLE.
BYE
GOD LOVES YOU
AND SO DOES WEEZER.
I LOVE YOU <3

DAMNNNNNNNNNN PISSED! can't stand people who talk to me like that as if they're far above me when I bet they haven't even taken their o levels. do they even know what o levels are. DAMMMIT.

i can't wait for friday cant wait for friday cant wait for friday CANT WAIT FOR FRIDAY
after friday, everything's practically over. PRACTICALLY. Not everything, but ALMOST ALLL.
been listening to lotsa folk/indie music lately. Hahahaha. heying says its indie so i guess it is?! i have no idea what indie is and how it sounds like. supposedly indie music still sounds mainstream to me no matter so yeah.

Anywayzzzzzzz go listen to Emmy the Great!




'We almost had a baby' is kinda funny too. I like how she uses simple guitar chords, and simple lyrics, weaving together simple but....enchanting melodies. Kay I wouldn't call them enchanting. IDK! but I really like her(: and she's chinese mixed english. but she still looks super chinese. haha.

Listen to Conor Oberst....



the lyrics are achingly beautiful.
go listen to Laura Marling if youve got e time too(: 

me and nick have got our after o level plans tentatively drafted out. hehe.

CANT WAIT FOR MY DAD TO RESTORE MY ITUNES LIBRARY! i've got like a kazillion songs i wanna remove like all the rnb shiz my sister sneakily synched in! and all the random korean songzz she synched in too. cant wait to add all my 60s rock n roll stuff and all the Bread and The Platters and david choi songs!!!!!!

); hate being a pig. Me and nick are such pigs. All we think about is food food food and MORE FOOD! If like that ah.... then I'll really be old, ugly, fat and disabled. yezzzzzzzzz i'll accept the fact that i'm an invalid. ); nobody likes pigs. just wanna buy like a million baggy black shirts so i can live in them til i lose some weight. swear its showing on my face and arms and everywhere everywhere everywhereeeeeee.

HEYONG IF YOURE READING THIS : WEEZER ft. SARA BAREILLES I want you to (acoustic)

okay, its time for geog. just think bout it: tomorrow, i won't ever have to touch 'earth our home' anymore. HAH YEZZZZZZZZZZ.
my phone is spoilt so don't bother calling/texting. no, i'm just kidding. i think its spoilt cus nobody's texting or calling. HAHA. er don't call, text!!!!!!!!! and i'll reply if don't feel mean. hee.

BYE GOD LOVES YOU AND WEEZER IS SOUNDING AWESOME OVER MY SPEAKERS RIGHT NOW.

YAY ty helped me harvest my crops yesterday while i was studying at *$ with nick. hehe super productive day cus we did alot of work. Went over to nick's house to do ss, talk about globalisation and disturb nick's cute little brother and his hamsters! OMGGGGG you should see how samuel treats hammie. ITS DAMN SCARY. Was so tempted to just take hammie away from him so he can stop torturing it. :( feel for the hamster. AND NICK JUST SAT THERE. Yeah okay. So at about 2 plus, we were both so ughhhhhh we went out to get some beancurd & talk bout ss along the way.

Bottomline: productive dayyyy. & nick's a pig. HAHA. all we could think bout is food, food and MORE FOOD. samuel is cute but he should stop torturing hammie. man i wish i had a younger brother.

OHH AND I CAN ADOPT ANIMALS NOW! was just looking at my live feed and john found this pink cow so i went to adopt it(: heh. yayyyy thanks john. finally my first pink cow. okay i know i sound like some kid but i'm totally in love with farmville. hahahaha. you should see nick's face yesterday when i was on e phone w ty asking her to help me harvest my crops. I HAD NO CHOICE. IF NOT THE RICE WILL ROT CUS IT HARVESTS IN 12 HOURSSSS.  (okay enough farmville talk) 

OKAY BYE.
NICK STOP RELATING EVERYTHING TO FARMVILLE or..
i'm gna kill emo and there's nothing you can do bout it(: 
samuel can help me too.
hehehehehehehehe.

bye god loves youuu. xx

Random thoughts, I'm too lazy to type them all in paragraphs.

- God is awesome.
- I should stay away from all things confusing and mindscrew-ish.
- Random nights comprise of talking/texting BTA til the wee hours of the morning talking bout random bangla shit and being gualan. HAHA.
- Singing til I think I'm gonna have a sorethroat soon. Shows how much I wanna jam.
- SHOULD I BUY THAT PRETTY LAPTOP CASE FROM OSF?! Its so pretty... but I haven't even got my laptop yet. And macs are not that big...
- I want my hair to grow longer!
- I need to shop...
- Mindscrews should only be confined to all those weird RPG games... things that don't pertain to our life. Really.
- whoooooooops, the title of this post was actually something else.. I KNOW ITS NOT OBVIOUS AND THAT NOBODY WOULD EVER CRACK IT. but still. analysts out there might just have that amount of brainjuice and busybody-ness to crack it. I'm not risking that(: so therefore, isabella is awesome.
- I wonder if anyone reads my twitter. I hate flooding my fb page so I use twitter instead...
- Have I ever told you how good coffee tastes? 
- I want a coffee machine, badly.
- God's awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome.
- The sec2s this year are damn frickin smart. (thank God they werent as screwed as I thought they would be)
- I can't wait to graduate. Okay, technically, I've already graduated... but still. I'm still wearing the eeekish pinafore.
- Will I die soon if I continue to drink coffee at 9pm every night, sleeping only at 4am? 
- HAHA I wonder if anyone has read this post til this point.
- I don't think anyone ever reads my blog anymore.
- I need to do something to my hair. Its disgusting.
- BTA calls me X and I call him BTA. HAHAHA. its a switch of names. (inside thingum)
- y = mx + c (when y = 0, what is x?) 
- I love my bestfriends. I can't call us a clique cus we're closer than that(: 

HELP (I know I sound like some farmville idiot but I can't help it) : 
I hate how I can't adopt the pink cow and kitten I found and other people like tim and quek adopted the kitten and cow I FOUND!!!!!!!!! ): I alrd clicked 'adopt the kitten!' like 5 or 6 times, they just redirected me back to my farm and NOTHING HAPPENED. and then an hour later, a notification pops up from the side saying '' Clement Quek adopted the kitten you found!'' !!!!!!!!!! dammmmmmit. I want my pink cow too...... ); mich, how?

I know i'm supposed to be studying, maybe bta keeps telling me to relax too much. Hiatus from all my online activities? HAH. Even heyong tried to but failed in the end. Big phail ttm. I don't think I'm getting any sleep tonight. Need to finish governance + ecology and impacts on ecosystem. Wanted to go out to study today but heyong's having her amath! Stuck at home, hoping that it'll rain the whole day. But the rain only lasted for.... 15 minutes?!?!?! The dark clouds and thunder's so fake, as if there's gna be some hugeeeee thunderstorm. I wish.

Random: david choi reminds me so much of a childhood friend whom I haven't spoken to in a VERY very very long time. the eyes, the humour, face, nearly everything. hahahahahahaha. wonder if he still reads my livejournal... hmmm....

My two SS textbooks are kind of like promotion brochures to promote how awesome and organised Singapore is. Kind of like a brochure to hand out to all other foreigners to promote Singapore as some awesome civilized, democratic, multi-racial country. Not like I don't agree.. its just annoying. Its like they indirectly compare SG to venice, as how we're so similar to them but they failed and we haven't. So therefore, 'singapore is still the best!' Fine I shall stop ranting about SS, there's nothing I can do about it anyway. Singapore is awesome, uh-huh.

God loves you & I gotta go do governance now.
xx

Papers have been rather okay(: English was amazingly easy compared to last year's cats (ugh). Got 4/5 for vocab! which is kinda amazing considering how I'm always getting all of it wrong... Nothing beats the peace that God leaves you with when almost everyone is panicking. Am loving the quiet mornings home alone, singing as loud as I want to while stopping to sing softer when I think the neighbours are walking past.... (: Depending on coffee to keep me awake in the mornings. Never knew coffee could taste so good.

Math wasn't too bad either. My stomach was flipping the whole morning, was super nervous. Spent the whole of last trying to figure out distance/time and speed/time graphs & the all-time jian number patterns. Skipped the number pattern qns in the paper, waste my time. Haha. Glad that I could do 90% of the paper, though I totally crapped at the vectors question. I just cannot seem to get vectors, don't get me started on number patterns. On a lighter note, I won't ever have to touch the ugly math textbooks and formula sheets after tomorrow!!!!! Hooray. Never liked any form of formulas, concepts, logical explanations (logical to them, but not to me).

Anticipating the hugeeeeeeeeeeeeee party after O's! CAN'T WAIT. Jamming with loads of people til I THINK i've lost count. Jamming's the ONE thing i'm looking forward to. Hmm.. OH and getting an iphone, getting a job, saving up for my macbook. Sooo many things to do.

I've got no regrets after walking out of the hall. Whats done is done, I know my future is perfectly crafted in God's hands. There is no point in worrying or regretting, he's got the best plan for you, don't worry! (: 

Wanna know why? 
Its because you're genuinely acoustic.

Ughhhhhhhhhhh wth is wrong with me man.
think i'm going abit insane.
was just looking through my geog stuff, intensity of food production last night. It was kinda like in my head already but I wasn't too sure. So I went to get some qns on that topic. Read through the qns, tried to think of the pts to write down if I were to be asked these qns. Thought through, checked the textbook. Felt... tired or something negative, I can't quite figure out how I was feeling. Put my head on the table and listened through 1.5 songs, put my head up. Stood up, and started crying. wth?!

its not like I was depressed or anything. I don't want to use the word 'scared'... cus I really didn't know why I started crying. swear i could have hugged anyone who was near me. everyone was sleeping cus it was 1am plus. ugh my eyes look positively ugly today. in fact, everyday. Its depressing to have to look into the mirror every morning.

crap i can't have a nervous breakdown now. I hate using the term 'nervous breakdown'. Cus before this, the only nervous breakdowns I had were minor stuff like piano exams and performances that don't mean much. But now its the O'sssss. heyong says i can't have a nervous breakdown now cus it'll just screw everything up which would lead to me screwing up my o's=GG. I hate crying); it doesn't make me feel better at all. So I sent a text saying that I was freaking out. The text-back didn't help much(not sam). Fell asleep at 1am plus waiting for a reply from samzzzz. Turns out, I think he fell asleep too lol.

seriously cant wait for the o's to end. can't wait for this mindscrew to end. oh, my prac was screwed btw. Don't even ask. One of the most jian pracs i've ever taken in my whole life. How the hell can the two anions in the end be the SAME ANION?! DAMN JIAN RIGHT. Both unknowns X and Y are CARBONATES. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DAMN JIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO ITS NOT CARBONATE AND SULFATE. ITS CARBONATE AND CARBONATE.
k I know I sound like some angsty little o level kid thats unhappy with nearly everything in her life. to prove you wrong...

People who have made me happy/feel better lately: HEYONG TIANYUN N.I.M.P.F SAMZ.
thank you heyong for being my bestfriend and my o level buddy + matcha and chionging for library seats along with the other 93' kids and doing weird funny stuff like being spoiled kids or talking to dessert models at MOF.
thank you ty for being my bestfriend and for giving me david choi(:(:(:(:(:(: study hard k??? stop going online!!!!!!!!!
NIMPF for being super GL as usual, for being awesome company(: 
samz for the random study-on-the-phone plans and late night calls. hahahahahahahahahaha. (oh & btw, the bangla called, he wants his voice back)

My mum came into the study room at 12am on one of the days this week & told me this: 


GOD TURNS YOUR WEAKNESSES AND TURNS THEM INTO STRENGTHS. YOU ARE STRONG.


(i have no idea why she woke up just to tell me this...) i love her.