Folded paper roses & swings.

love pixie lott's cry me out, its just so apt. a super 'ha in your face' kinda song.

heading down to the cafe later for work! gah me and sam are super nervous though everyone says we'll definitely pass... haha. went down to marina sq after work yesterday to meet dom for dinner. Ate at.. cafe cartel. Sam was being super spastic, laughing at his own jokes. hahahaha. AND dom and sam were like looking at my eyes, seeing when i'd roll them again. Seriouslyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy is it such a big deallll. Now sam has like a kazillion names for the different ways i roll my eyes. -.- HAHA. Sam ordered some fish and prawn thing while dom ordered the ribs. Guess what. Dom only remembered he can't eat meat after eating it cus he just went to the dentist for his braces. -.-

I couldn't finish my pasta. So we looked like 3 kids who couldn't finish their dinner. Haha. Yeah so after that, we left down to topshop cus they were having a sale. And I left my starbucks tumbler at cafe cartel. How awesome. And I only realised it when I was on the train with dom. -.- soooooo you can imagine me panicking on the train cus DUH, ANYONE WOULD WANT A CHRISTMAS STARBUCKS TUMBLER, right? so then dom suggested we go back there to get it and called his friend to check if its there 1st.. So we went all the way back to marina sq to get it back(: THANKS DOM!
gah i hate it when i forget stuff.

Wonder how it feels like to be able to feel as and when you like, even though you know you shouldn't because its not supposed to happen this way. I don't know how I can feel like how you are now. I have forgotten how it feels like, because when it comes around again, all that fills my head is how I should be walking away because I think I've seen enough to know where that will end up. I'd rather forget how it feels like than mentally beat myself up everyday.. all because ;

Really, how is it like to feel the way you're feeling now? 

God, please put things back into order.......

My gut is telling me to do a blogpost. I'm in my writing mood now for some reason, so here we go..

Friendships. Rhetoric here... What are friendships to you? Who are your true friends?

I've asked this question of myself many a time. Sometimes in curiousity, sometimes in sacarsm. But I never had an answer. No I do not have one now. I'm not building up tension for an apparent release, I'm just musing.

I usually take a approach trained by KI; define, and then use my definitions for leverage. But now I choose not to, and blog the usual 'walter' style. Without the chance of becoming mind numbingly boring halfway through.



(skip to here if you dislike rambles)




I honestly miss a lot of my friends. People I'm close to are largely nowhere near me most of the time. But strangely, these are the people I'm really really close to. Afer weeks of silence, we pick up convos like old buddies (most of the time we are. -.-)

And I'm a bit puzzled by that. I know a whole lot of people who have best friends seemingly outside their everyday social circle. Apparently bonds of friendship consistently extend far distances.

Absence may make the heart grow fonder? Possible.




And oh the many levels of friendship. I'm not sure if everyone feels the same about this, but do you have different groups of people at these levels?

5) I fake all my stuff
4) We talk about superficial things
3) We can converse on personal issues, but mostly, not.
2) We converse on personal issues, but skip touchy topics
1) We talk to each other, and when finding differences, accept them and that person for who they are.



Honestly, I can say from first hand experience that 1 exists. And pretty commmonly at that. This makes friends all the more important in our lives don't you think? It's others who helps us truly become ourselves.




Even more strange, friends are usually willing to go very very far for you. I mean, yeah they whinge, grumble, and all that, but don't you notice that when you ask them for favours, they really don't stand to gain?

Isn't this totally against human nature? Of which we work for self gain? Even as "friends", shouldn't common goals be shared? And NOT the goals of one dominating?

Yeah I may seem crazy asking stuff like that, since occurences like the above are so common, but thinking about it, it really does make sense no?














But there are thankfully a few things i stand for... A few can inspire hope, whereas others just leave me a bad taste in the mouth.




Firstly, I dislike the formation of cliques WITH THE MAIN PURPOSE BEING TO FIND a sense of belonging. Not because it's wrong (don't get me wrong on that, we ALL long for belonging, and need it one way or the other) but because it has the awkward tendency of shutting other people out.

I can't say I'm in a solid clique, although i do gravitate to a number of individuals most of the time. And they're mostly there because of the vast amount time which we've spent with each other (due to circumstance) that we naturally have alot more to talk with each other than random strangers.



This is a touchy thing, cause i'm probably being extremely controversial here, so it warrants another disclaimer. Cliques are NOT wrong. In fact, I think they are a normal and imporatant part of our lives, but we have to be careful as they can do just as much harm as good.

I haven't even touched on the messy politicking if problems surface, largely due to superficiality SOME of them have in their formation, leading to huge chasms in values, stands and preferences which were glossed over with the europhia of 'toghetherness'








No matter. Next point



I know a few of my friends and people I consider mentors believe that there is no such thing as close platonic friendships between a boy and a girl. With all due respect, I would like to disagree.


I can only talk from a guy's point of view here...

A guy may never be able to treat a girl like one of his 'bros' (especially if she's chio), but that doesn't mean that his attraction for her will increase in direct proportion with his emotional closeness.

Yes, he will be protective
Yes, he will care for her
Yes, he will use her fb pics as a fake gf and ask others if she's cute (or maybe it's only one person I'm taking about here ^^)





But feelings? It's a rather thin line to be honest. But any one with emotional maturity should be able to tell the difference.



Ever felt if a girl means alot to you, but getting together with her is just strange? And you don't get that heart fluttering feeling no matter the scenario you're in? (think: starry night on the beach with nothing but sand and glistening seashells for miles around)
And the kicker point: when she DOES find a good boyfriend, you're the one who's overjoyed?


Honestly, to me the main points people have friends of opposite sex are:

1) Emotional Sensitivity, it can be hard to get that from your usual buddies. Somehow BGFs (connotation unimplied) are typically more tolerant.

2) Relationship advice, we all need that. The 'what would a guy/girl do in this situation

3) Stabilizers. Trust me. Being in a boys school for 4 years, I know exactly what single sex enviroments can do. Testosterone overload tends to send people running wild. I'm reasonably willing to bet my money that oestrogen does the exact same thing.



These reasons are why i think it IS possible for platonic friendship between boys and gals.

Of course, being the lovelorn teenagers we are, statistics (and hormones) dictate that more often than not, something is BOUND to happen. But this isn't always the case.


I'm a living example.





I can't think of anything else for now. I will get back to this for sure.





Till next time

Madame Tussauds at the Peak was fun. Yea, me and Ayumi, we go a long way back. Also, Johnny and I had coordinated couple outfits. it was pure coincidence, i swear.



 

My new skate shoes/boots from H&M. Very tired after 3 days of pounding the streets and shopping. I love the wintry weather, so i can finally put my leather jacket to use again. I love winter clothes, knitted hats, leggings, coats, scarves, boots. now, if only singapore weather would cooperate. And i found a SEPHORA! Heavens open and angels sing. 




Bought this make-up kit from Sephora. It's called Sephora in a Box "Oh my gold!". haha. After this buy, I swore I would not buy make-up ever again, for the next 2 years at least. Was in the store when i chanced upon this. another girl was opening up the sample set, and when she opened it up all the way, I blurted, "Woah." She turned around and grinned, "I know right? and its only 399!" Thats like $80 in SGD. so i wander around the rest of the store but all i could think of was the box set. so i succumbed, and went back to the shelf for it. another girl was already there picking up a new box. i think they fly off the shelves quite fast. So, whee.. yes,  my biggest haul from hong Kong.
 
It opens up to not one tier...

 

Not TWO tiers....



But THREE TIERS of eyeshadows, lip colours, blushers and bronzers. I think i died and went to make-up heaven!



And finally, just cos i cant keep it in, and even though its still another three months away... I AM GONNA GO SEE PARAMORE!!!!!

All part & parcel, once we pass here it can only get better.

The past two weeks, I must say, has been amazing.
New friends, new music, new life.

Practicing together as a group despite our differences for NSSN'09 has really gelled us together as one sound, and I'm really grateful for this opportunity to get to know all you guys out there (RJ, ZhuEr, Christine, Lynette, JJ, Hassan, David, YS, Andrew, Umar, XuMeng and everyone else in VJCSB NSSN'09! )

Yes and I even found a fellow Korean x)

The past two weeks have been hectic, oversleeping everyday, getting pissed phone calls from Andrew for being late, staying up all night to NOT oversleep, spending a bomb on cab fares, feeling sentimental about the music, skit practices, late suppers with the circle.
This I will definitely miss, not to forget performing with the StageBand for the skit, exchanging our instruments.

It has definitely rekindled my passion for music, and I will further put in more effort to become a better musician.

Seriously, the word REUNION keeps popping into my head, hahahhahah!
Really, I love you guys

You guys SO gotta watch this. hahahahaha. It won best film in the cannes festival.

So yes... I'm back. bought a million things. bought my first pair of vans. Altogether I have 2 pairs of shoes, 2 pairs of sandles, and a pair of heels. I don't want to count the number of tops and bottoms I have, hahahaha. me and sam kinda got the job at settler's. got this probation thingy we have to pass then we'll be officially on the job. Haha. Am trying to find time to pack stuff for camp but i'm super super busy for the next threee days cus of work and church stuff.. Looks like i'll be packing on saturday night...

Heading down to the cafe later for training.. a little nervous but excited, haha.

HEYONG: we SO have to go to BKK together.. like after your A's or something! The weekend market there, is AWESOME. Like, there are a million stash shops there, plus lots of other shops selling all our denim shiz and vintage chanel bags + your VANS! Food there is awesomeeee, there's your fave pineapple rice and the all-time thai iced tea(: I might be going back there in feb cus my mum's having a meeting there.. damn if only you weren't going to JC. ): I MISS YOU SO MUCH. oh i bought you this light blue v neck shirt and this keychain that you said was cute last time.

hehe. okayyyy i'm off to prepare to head out for work!

Dearest B. Wenxing,

HAND OVER YOUR GUITAR & NOBODY GETS HURT!!

Plenty of ♥,
S

Credits: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/linkinpark/breakingthehabit.html


"Breaking The Habit" Linkin Park

Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again

[Bridge:]
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

[Chorus:]
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again

[Bridge:]
I dont want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

[Chorus:]
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight

[Bridge:]
I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

[Chorus:]
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
to show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I’m breaking the habit
Tonight
-------
zomfg fml real bad the past few weeks. Failing most of my tests, making double trips home and school because i forget something, doing everything that seems to go wrong, turnning all the wrong directions and totally turning my mood to the dark side, especially with the lecturers.. gosh i gonna get into trouble one day and from wat i can tell;
i don't care anyway

Been taking a 'i'm screwed already, one more mistake wouldnt hurt/ theres no saving me now' attitude.. yesyes i know its wrong and not right but hey, this is me. Never ever did like me anyway. Useless bugger.

Wellwell, it will get fixed..somehow
This calls for a change of habits, lifestyle, mindset.. everything
i'm breaking free from myself
xoxo
Friand
you cant bind the wind